By: The Management (Who Clearly Made Some Questionable Hiring Decisions)
Published: August 12, 2024
AMARILLO, TX – In what can only be described as either incredible optimism or complete delusion, Press Pass Sports is proud to announce that our entire roster of “sports journalists” and “photographers” will be returning for another season of coverage across the Texas Panhandle. Local high schools have been advised to lower their expectations accordingly.
MEET YOUR 2025-26 PRESS PASS SPORTS DREAM TEAM
Editor-in-Chief Kale Steed returns for another year of turning simple game recaps into existential crises. Kale, who founded Press Pass Sports with the revolutionary idea that “someone should probably cover these games,” continues to lead by example – specifically, by exemplifying how to make a 21-14 football game sound like the fall of Rome. His editing philosophy remains unchanged: “If it’s not confusing, it’s not journalism.”
When asked about his goals for the upcoming season, Kale responded, “I’m hoping to finally figure out what a safety is in football. It’s only been three years.”
Lee Passmore brings his unmatched dedication to both sports journalism and the fine art of competitive eating. Lee has somehow managed to locate every concession stand within a 200-mile radius and considers it “research” for his beat coverage. His pre-game ritual involves a thorough inspection of the snack bar menu, followed by what he calls “quality control testing.”
“I can’t write about the game atmosphere without understanding the full fan experience,” Lee explained while demolishing his third Frito pie of the evening. “It’s about authenticity.”
Lance Lahnert continues to prove that age is just a number. Lance remembers when forward passes were considered “newfangled” and brings that old-school perspective and passion to every story. His game notes are written in actual shorthand, which no one under 60 can decipher.
Lee Baker joins our writing staff this season, making Lance look like a spring chicken by comparison. Lee brings decades of experience and the wisdom that comes from covering sports since leather helmets were actually made of leather. His stories are so old-school, they’re practically historical documents. When asked about modern football strategy, Lee simply said, “Back in my day, we called it ‘three yards and a cloud of dust,’ and we liked it.”
Tyler Anderson rounds out our writing team as one of our promising new additions. Tyler brings fresh energy and modern perspectives, which the rest of us desperately need since most of our sports knowledge comes from the Eisenhower administration. We’re hoping Tyler can teach us what a “spread offense” is and why players don’t just run straight ahead anymore.
THE PHOTOGRAPHY “DEPARTMENT”
Joe Garcia (that’s me, your fearless leader) manages this circus while somehow convincing himself this was a good business decision. As managing partner, Joe takes full responsibility for this collection of lovable misfits and questionable life choices. His photography style can best be described as “enthusiastic amateur with expensive equipment.” Joe’s greatest talent lies in his ability to look perpetually confused while somehow still running the operation.
Roy Wheeler continues as our veteran photographer, armed with his trusty camera and an uncanny ability to capture the exact moment after something exciting happens. Roy’s action shots have redefined sports photography by proving that blur can be an artistic choice. His portfolio includes such classics as “Quarterback Throwing to Someone, Probably” and “Touchdown Celebration (Featuring Mostly Elbows).”
“I prefer to capture the emotion of the moment,” Roy explained, while reviewing 47 photos of the same referee’s back.
David Erickson has revolutionized sideline photography with his innovative “ground-level perspective” technique. David’s commitment to getting the perfect shot from a horizontal position has led to some truly unique angles, assuming you enjoy photos taken from ant-eye view. His specialty remains “artistic shots of players’ cleats” and “dramatic sky compositions with occasional football players.”
When questioned about his unusual shooting style, David simply stated, “The earth provides stability, and honestly, it’s really comfortable down here.”
Carter Pirtle brings divine inspiration to every assignment, which is fortunate because we’re going to need all the help we can get. Carter seamlessly transitions from Sunday sermons to Friday night football, proving that both require faith, hope, and the occasional miracle. His photography motto: “Blessed are the focused, for they shall capture clear images” – a blessing that apparently hasn’t reached the rest of our photo staff yet.
Elisa Chavez joins our photography team and honestly, she might be too good for this operation. Elisa actually knows what she’s doing behind a camera, which makes the rest of us look even more amateur by comparison. We’re hoping some of her competence rubs off on the rest of the crew, though we’re not holding our breath.
James Abel continues with the photography crew, bringing the enthusiasm of someone who still believes this operation might actually work. James provides fresh energy to the team, which the rest of us desperately need since we’re running on fumes and pure stubbornness at this point.
Trevelle Hudson handles our video coverage with the mysterious ability to appear anywhere on the field at any given moment. Trevelle operates under his own set of rules, showing up wherever he deems necessary regardless of official sideline protocols. His uncanny talent for positioning himself directly in the referees’ line of sight has become legendary – we’re honestly not sure if it’s intentional or if he has some sort of magnetic attraction to striped shirts.
The dynamic duo of Joe and Trevelle creates a perfect storm of confusion, with both men regularly found standing in the middle of the field looking around like they’ve never seen a football game before. “I thought you knew where we were supposed to be,” is heard frequently between the two, usually while blocking the officials’ view of a crucial play.
When asked about his field positioning strategy, Trevelle simply shrugged and said, “I go where the action is.” The referees were unavailable for comment, presumably because they were too busy trying to work around him.
OUR MYSTERIOUS OUTLYING PHOTOGRAPHY NETWORK
Beyond our core photography chaos, Press Pass Sports maintains a network of outlying photographers scattered across the Texas Panhandle like sports journalism sleeper agents. Charla Shults operates out of Pampa with the dedication of someone who genuinely enjoys high school sports, which honestly makes the rest of us look bad.
Alan Hale covers Canadian with the reliability of a Swiss watch, showing up to games we sometimes forget we’re supposed to cover. Tucker exists somewhere in the geographical mystery zone, better known as Stinnett. – we’re not entirely sure where he’s stationed, but photos keep appearing from games across the region like he’s some sort of sports photography ghost. Meanwhile, Nicole holds down the fort way out in the boonies of Childress, proving that distance is no obstacle when you’re committed to capturing blurry action shots just like the rest of us.
The most baffling part? We’re honestly not sure why any of these talented photographers choose to help us. They could probably find more competent operations to work with, but here they are, voluntarily contributing to our beautiful disaster of sports coverage. We suspect they either genuinely love high school sports or they’re just as confused about what they’re doing as we are.
PODCAST DIVISION (DOUBLE TROUBLE)
Craig and Kale co-host our bi-weekly podcast, creating what can only be described as a perfect storm of sports commentary. Craig somehow manages to make Kale’s rambling sports takes sound almost professional, while Kale provides Craig with enough material to question his life choices twice weekly.
“It’s like being a sports journalist and a miracle worker,” Craig noted. “Mostly miracle worker. Having Kale as co-host just doubles the miracles needed.”
Kale added, “I bring the chaos, Craig brings the order. It’s a beautiful disaster.”
WHAT TO EXPECT THIS SEASON
As volleyball and football seasons approach, Press Pass Sports promises to deliver the same high-quality coverage you’ve come to expect – which is to say, we’ll show up, take some photos (mostly of the ground), write some words (mostly spelled correctly), and somehow turn it all into content.
Our goals for the 2025-26 season include:
- Learning the actual rules of volleyball (it’s not just “hit ball over net,” apparently)
- Taking at least one in-focus action photo per game
- Remembering to charge camera batteries before events
- Figuring out what “offsides” means in football
- Keeping Lee Passmore away from the concession stand long enough to file his stories
- Convincing David that standing up occasionally won’t hurt his artistic vision
- Teaching Lee Baker how to use a smartphone (baby steps)
- Learning from Tyler what kids these days call “modern football”
- Not embarrassing Elisa too much with our amateur photography skills
- Figuring out how to keep Trevelle and Joe from wandering into the middle of plays
A MESSAGE FROM MANAGEMENT
“We’re honestly as surprised as anyone that we’re still doing this,” said Press Pass Sports management in a joint statement. “But here we are, ready to document another season of Texas Panhandle sports with the same blend of enthusiasm, confusion, and questionable decision-making that got us this far.”
“We promise to bring you coverage that’s… well, it’s coverage. And really, in today’s media landscape, isn’t that enough?”
SEASON OUTLOOK
Despite our collective shortcomings, the Press Pass Sports team remains committed to covering approximately 60 schools across the Texas Panhandle with the dedication of professionals and the skill level of enthusiastic amateurs.
We’ll be there for every touchdown, every spike, every victory, and every defeat – capturing it all with varying degrees of competence and an unwavering commitment to showing up.
So buckle up, Texas Panhandle. Another season of Press Pass Sports coverage is upon you. We can’t promise excellence, but we can promise effort. And really, isn’t that the true spirit of high school sports?
For more questionable sports journalism and photography, visit us at presspass.news or follow our social media accounts, where we post our best blurry photos and most confusing game recaps.
EDITOR’S NOTE: No sports journalists or photographers were harmed in the making of this article, though several egos may require medical attention.
DISCLAIMER: This article is 100% satirical and written in good fun. All references to Press Pass Sports staff members are meant as lighthearted humor and do not reflect their actual professional abilities or character. Press Pass Sports is proud of our dedicated team and their excellent work covering Texas Panhandle sports.